I was in the UK when the whole EMO thing became so popular that even I noticed it. Emotional teenagers began sprouting from everywhere: black nail polish, black eye-liner, black hair, black clothes, pink boots, weird hairstyles, girls that look like Goth music stars and boys that look too much like girls.
I have almost nothing against the innumerable piercings they have in their upper lip, lower lip, tongue, ear and let’s just not mention any other anatomical parts. I don’t mind their weird hairstyles although their 3D vision must be impaired with those bangs covering half their faces, diagonally. I have nothing against the raccoon-like makeup style and the soot around their eyes [some girls actually look nice with ‘smoky’ eyes] even if said soot is accompanied by bright pink on the upper eye lid and black-ish lipstick. No, I don’t mind any of these. My brain can successfully process the info and then carefully store it away in a dark corner where these memories will eventually fade away and die.
What I do mind is the skinny jeans on THE WRONG KIND OF PEOPLE! Some wrongfully assume that because we have all these rights and we’re free to do almost anything, we can also wear anything. False! You (girls)should not wear bras with ‘invisible’ plastic straps that emerge from under your tank top. You should not wear socks and sandals. No one should be able to see your underwear if you’re wearing pants and you’re not engaged in a strip-tease – seeing thongs above the low-rise jeans is a definite faux-pas. You (guys) should not wear tank tops which make you look like a very uncool Jean-Claude Van Damme (unless you’re at the gym, which sort of justifies it).
And guys, don’t, for the sake of all mankind, wear skinny jeans! Ever. Because, boys, no matter how cool you think you look, or how much these ballerina jeans illustrate your inner emotional struggle against the adversities of the world and the coldness of those who don’t get you, they still make you look ridiculous.
Sprayed-on jeans are meant to emphasize a pair of beautiful legs. And who usually gets this type of compliment in the first place? Women. I have yet to hear a guy being told “great legs, dude!”. No, guys don’t have nice legs by definition. They are either too muscular, too scrawny or too much like tree branches with big bony, protruding knees. And while I have nothing against male ballet dancers or Robin Hood, who have to wear tights as a part of their job, I would really resent seeing them in their ‘work clothes’ while grocery shopping.
Skinny jeans can be really tight thus revealing too much and making everyone in a 1 mile radius of the wearer very uneasy. I can only guess they must be very uncomfortable in their action of squishing certain things men don’t usually want squished. I can also only guess that this must not make the male wearer very happy – probably the reason he became emo in the first place.
And girls, if you think that just by being a member of the fair sex you are by definition fair in every article of clothing you set your eyes on, think again!
If you look like this
please, please, please save us the eye sore and stay away from everything tight. If your belly floods over your pants in a very unappealing ‘muffin top’, stay away from low-rise skinny pants – you’ll actually feel better and will probably be able to finally breathe. If by any chance your low-rise jeans are too low thus revealing your tushie whenever you sit or bend to tie your shoe laces, save yourself the embarrassment and change pants… or maintain vertical position!
And finally here’s muffin top-related video. Enjoy!
I am NOT being sarcastic, see one of my own comments above! Love, love, LOVE ya’!
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