On emos, again. And stuff that people google

It seems that my post on emos and skinny jeans managed to get the attention of some web surfers out there. People in search of answers, people who need guidance, people who were unlucky enough to stumble on my blog!

Today I was browsing through the list of keywords that were searched in The Google and led people to my blog. AND I DIED LAUGHING! To quote good ol’ Forrest, the Internets are “like a box of chocolates… You never know what you’re gonna get!”

Before I unleash the beast that will probably summon all the dark forces of the universe and point them towards my blog, let me just explain once more my honest opinion.

I HAVE NOTHING AGAINS EMOS. NEVER HAD! This is probably because I believe it’s just a teenage thing, a phase, a cry for attention. I’ve yet to see any emos in their 20s or 30s. At that age the voices in your head saying “get your shit together” are louder and louder and harder to ignore. It’s great that you’re emotional and deep and sensitive, it really is. But don’t cut your wrists, don’t mutilate yourself just because today sucked! There will be so many more sucky days, way suckier than this one, that you’ll think today was a Disneyland trip compared to what REAL LIFE has to throw at you. You’d better brace yourself! Arm yourself with guts and ambition and thirst to live life AS IS! You ain’t gettin’ no other!

If you think life sucks, think about all the kids in Africa! That’s what my Mom used to say when I asked for yet another pair of shoes. And she was right!

Anyway, hoping that I’ve made my point, back to the fun stuff we go! Here are some of the phrases that were googled. Don’t read this if you’re at work though. You might surprise yourself and burst out laughing. [Am I being a tad over-confident here?]. Please don’t be offended by my sarcastic comments.

We’ve got the basic stuff like “male emo style”, “male skinny jeans style” probably coming from real fashion afficionados. Good for you for doing such a thorough online documentation before raiding the stores in search of the ideal skinnies.

You also have some that are more precise in their search. With their minds set: “male pink skinny jeans”. Oh yeah! Talk about a fashion statement.

Then we get into the HOW TO type of questions:
how skinny do your jeans have to be to be considered emo?”. You want my opinion? If you feel a tingling sensation in your legs, I’d say you’ve done it. Your circulation is impaired. You’re good to go.
how skinny should i be for tight black jeans (male)(“. Not as skinny as for tight PINK jeans. Black makes you instantly look 5lbs skinnier. Isn’t black the best?
”how low should emo’s wear their jeans”. I’d say it depends on your gluteus maximus, you know what I mean?
how do emo guys get so skinny??” or “how to get emo skinny legs”. Inner turmoil. [Notice the 2 question marks. The Google understands your desperation.]
can an emo be muscular>”. Can’t really say. There’s an inverse correlation between the inner emo potential and the BMI. But it might work.
”emo skinny how to“ to which I’d add “For Dummies”. I can see how this can become a bestseller.
how should male legs look like”. I can only assume this was written by a Martian planning to disguise himself as a male Earthling.

There are also some audacious statements such as:
i want emo skinny legs”. If you wish hard enough, your wishes will come true. That’s what they say in the Disney movies.
i like being a skinny male”. I bet Christina Aguillera is hidden in your iPod. I am beautiful, no matter what they say… Good for you!
emos are really skinny”. No shit, Sherlock!
boys skinny jeans no”. I love the emphatic NO at the end. Reminds me of my German classes: boys skinny jeans NEIN! Zum arbeit!
don’t wear skinny jeans if muscular”. Tell that to the other “muscular” dude [see above].

And then there’s the more laconic type of search:
male skinny jeans size 34“. Those ain’t no skinny jeans!
emo racoon hair“. Seriously?! Is that how you kids call it?
gay low rise jeans blogs“. That is one very precise type of blog!
legs too muscular to wear skinny jeans”. You mean like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s? Oh, I see.
emo pair have sex video“. No. Just NO!
middle aged emo dudes “. Again, NO!

Other searches include:
male legs blog 
can an emo person be fair skinned?
can an emo wear pink skinnies
clothes for very skinny emos
emo dark skin black hair
male ballet boots blog
male emos in thong (WTF?!)
male legs.com
male white skinny jeans outfits
men in low rise pants revealing thong (WTF?!)

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In case you want to leave an acid comment, take a look at this furry thing. Maybe you’ll change your mind. But then again, maybe not.

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Comments (7)

  • OMG, these Google searches are sooooooooooooooooo funny. I liked your comments though :p
    Seems like these emo guys are desperate to be skinny and fit in those jeans. I wonder how skinny can they get…Can a guy be anorexic too? hmmm…I don’t have an answer to this question. Maybe you do.

    Reply
  • Alex…I can just imagine telling this
    “…There will be so many more sucky days, way suckier than this one, that you’ll think today was a Disneyland trip compared to what REAL LIFE has to throw at you. You’d better brace yourself!…”
    to your kids.
    Now there’s one mommy that won’t get a Mother’s day card…
    On the other hand I guess you can do the whole bad cop/good cop routine 😛
    And I know…I’m totally off subject, but ahh.. emo’s are so depressing …

    Reply
  • > There will be so many more sucky days, way
    > suckier than this one

    Did you ever have the chance to read about my New Years over the Atlantic?

    The starving children in Africa argument doesn’t work. North American children are (usually) not starving, nor situated in Africa. To force a child to empathize to a situation they’ve never seen or experienced is silly.

    Similarly, it’s easy to look back on our younger days and think about how easy we had it back then. But of course, it was never easy(!) Not for the 16-year-old you or me.

    It’s like a Professor who’s telling his 1st year class to “suck it up”, because what they’re doing is easy.

    Speaking of which, I was once reprimanded on my end-of-term evaluations by someone who wrote, “Stop saying things are easy when they aren’t!”.

    Reply
  • @Phil: I too agree with you on the African kids statement. But maybe one could use some photographic evidence to support it? There are some disturbing images on the web of starving, dying children, including one than won a Pulitzer and may have also driven the author to an early grave. I think Alex posted a link to it along with others that “changed the world” a while back, didn’t you, tweety?

    http://photosthatchangedtheworld.com/starving-child-vulture/

    Reply
  • And now to brighten things up a bit:

    As I said on Facebook, I dare you to not crush on this guy just a weeeeee-bit! 😛

    Reply
  • i hope no1’s stereotyping against emos..

    Reply
  • @Phil: Yes, children don’t empathize with what they’re not familiar with. I didn’t. The African kids remark didn’t make me ask for less shoes. But I was 10! I guess that sort of stuck in my mind and when I was a teenager I DID understand that my problems were not the most urgent in the galaxy. Being reminded to look at everything from a certain, more distant perspective helped me a lot throughout my teen years.
    but then again, I guess I was a really mature kid though.

    Reply

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