… is something that D’s brain performs by default each morning before leaving the house.
Somehow the 1s and 0s get together in his cerebral hemispheres and if the result of the checksum function is 5 then he can peacefully leave the house and take on his role as an active member of the work force.
Let me explain this a little bit further before anyone begins rolling their eyes, pointing fingers and shouting “hey, I didn’t come to your blog for IT-related crap. Give me the good stuff or take a hike, lady!”. Settle down, settle down and lay off the goddamn coffee!
D is not good with lists and writing down stuff. No. It’s all up there, in his head [I just realized this sentence has 2 meanings, both very suiting]. Anyway, to make sure he doesn’t forget any of his precious belongings when he leaves the house he remembers just one thing: “5” [as in Mambo no.5, or Chanel 5, although I doubt it’s any of these two]. He needs to take five items with him – his lunch, nicely packed in a orange Tupperware bowl, his phone, his headphones, his wallet and his keys.
So every morning after he manages to gather five items from around the house, his brain launches the “Leave the house right this instant before Alexandra wakes up and makes you prepare breakfast for her” function, and obviously he immediately runs out the door like Road Runner.
Now let me tell you what happened on several occasions when the D’ mental checksum function laughed in his face.
D’s orange Tupperware bowl was not available so it was switched with a green one. In order to avoid the 7 am D-specific confusion I left a little post-it on the green bowl saying “This is your lunch. Take it and go” [an allusion to one of Russell Peter’s jokes].
Upon my waking up and opening the fridge I noticed 2 facts: D was gone but his lunch was left behind. Subsequent investigations led me to the following conclusion: D’s headphones require a small adaptor gadget thingie so as to be coupled to his phone. The night before the incident I had unknowingly separated the adaptor from the headphones which meant that the series of events in that morning were: phone, 1; headphones, 2; adaptor, 3; wallet 4; keys, 5. Leave house now! Move it, move it! And come lunch time… a big oh, oh!
D brought home his laptop from work. Which meant that the next morning he would have to take it back to work. Which meant… but you already know where I’m going with this, don’t you? He got to the metro station, got on the metro, sat down, took out his phone and thought “now let’s watch an episode of Top Gear. Let’s put on the… WAIT! Where are my headphones?! Noooooo!”
Example #3 (which dates back to yesterday)
He bought a nice little backpack on Sunday which he said, would come very useful for storing all the crap he has to carry with him to work. Only he didn’t incorporate the backpack itself as an extra item in his checksum function. Everything was fine on Monday until 4pm when I got a phone call at the lab. Guess who? D of course asking when I’d get home because, guess what? He forgot his keys!
Conclusion of this post has been omitted deliberately. No comment!