I’m going to tell you something about a person very dear to me. She belongs to “the best of friends” category.
She is the person that just kind of grows on you no matter what you do. Not that I didn’t want her to grow on me. But you know, sometimes you become such good friends with someone and you have no idea how it happened. When was the decisive moment you became close? You just can’t pinpoint that to any definite moment of your past.
She is funny. FUNNY! Great sense of humor. But let me tell you something: she does not giggle. EVER. She always laughs out loud. Really loud, and sometimes in the most inappropriate situations. Like during a movie, she’ll suddenly burst out in this almost scary cascade of laughs that you think is going to end in you performing the Heimlich maneuver as she chokes on her popcorn.
She stood by me during one of the saddest moments of my life. She told me jokes (actually no, not jokes, stuff that happened to her which you understand made them even funnier than any tale starting with “A horse walks into a bar…”) and managed to take my mind off things.
She likes ghost stories and scary movies. She opened my appetite for Edgar Allan Poe and Leonard Cohen. She’s got great taste in music and she puts so much passion into her love for music that no matter what you do she convinces you to hear that band out. And next thing you know you listen to those songs non-stop.
She likes vampire movies. I think if it were possible she would choose to be genetically altered so that she can have eyes that glow in the dark and larger than average canines.
She is stubborn. Tell her not to do something like let’s say “don’t die your hair blonde” and next day she’ll send you a photo of her with blonde highlights. Or tell her to stop smoking (STOP SMOKING!!!) and she’ll say “I know, I know I can get cancer, blah, blah!”. That’s pretty much the moment when I want to punch her. But I don’t because I’m not that aggressive. Instead I plan to replace her cigarettes with those made of bubble gum. And then to take over the world with my evil plan. Muhahaha!
She is interested in science stuff. CSI-style stuff, like DNA and shit. Sometimes after watching an episode of CSI she’d boastfully blurt out something like “is it true that there’s a gene called XYZ1234 and that it can cause chronic idiopathic je-ne-sais-pas-quoi-itis?”. And you, an actual student in genetics will stand there and go “Umm, yeah. There are 30K genes in the human genome. Do you think I know them all by name? Ask me for the sequence, won’t you?”.
She used to write such wonderful stuff (a bit dark, bitter and ironic, but still wonderful) and now I’ve finally managed to convince her to set up her own blog: The Twee Bubbly Klutz “the misadventures of a neurotic scatterbrain”, a tagline which fits her like a glove.
[…] I usually start talking (or writing, for that matter) about one thing, take a backpack trip around the world and then completely forget what I was yapping about, therefore circle forever what I believe to be the 10th circle of Hell, all the while dragging your cute asses with me.
Yes, in a nutshell this is what she does. Before she gets to tell you that she bought herself a new perfume, you’ll find out what movies she’s seen lately, who she’s been dating and eventually why she dumped the guy, what has Gerard Butler been up to, who have the Fug Girls picked on lately and what stand-up comedians she likes. So, ask her how she’s doing and you’ll get a very detailed account of basically her entire life.
To end with, I think it is my duty to inform you that after a shopping trip with The Twee Bubbly Klutz you will end up with blisters on your feet and possibly asking for a Xanax.