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Gee-Pee-Ess says “Wrong turn, buddy”

Is it just me or driving around with a GPS increases your level of stoopid a tad? I mean there you are, driving along in your car, you think you know where you’re going, you think you’re in control, but guess what? YOU’RE NOT. Because if American English Linda or British English Collin tells you to turn right YOU WILL TURN RIGHT, buddy. There’s no buts about it.

Or else you’ll hear the most dreaded words that can come out of that control freak device “Make a U turn!”. And you know that if you must make a letter of the alphabet, it can be any of the 25, BUT the U. Heck, it can be an N tilde turn, but not a U turn. Because the U stands for U’re screwed, which is the short version of U’re on your own now, I told you what to do, but you wouldn’t listen!


I remember when, 2 summers ago, we were driving along highway 132 in Gaspésie, and I started whining about needing to use the facilities.

After we found the gas station in a small village slightly off the main road and I took care of the pending business, we asked our trusted companion, the GPS to take us back on highway 132. It took us on some winding little roads, alleys rather, and I was almost expecting a farmer to come out of the bushes with a shovel and holler and tell us in Quebecois that we were trespassing.

And all of a sudden, Linda (as I was saying, one of the multiple personalities of the GPS entity) tells us to take a right and we’ll end up on Boulevard Henri Bourassa. “That’s odd” I thought, “they have boulevards in the country?”, but if Linda was telling us that, well, who was I, who can’t even read a map unless it faces the right direction, to question her advice?


So we take a right. And what do you know? They DON’T have boulevards in the country. Or they don’t anymore. If they did, they just decided they didn’t like them boulevards no more and planted corn to cover ‘em up. Boulevard Henri Bourassa was a huge, big-ass corn field.


And Linda? Well, I guess she assumed we wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a road and a cow trail because she stuck to her side of the story. She told us to take a left on the boulevard and drive for 2 km. Umm, I don’t think so. And not because we don’t trust you, Linda. But because THE CAR DOESN’T FIT ON THE FRIGGIN’ BOULEVARD!


So we turned around, and of course stubborn as she is, Linda gave us the cold shoulder and told us to make a U turn. She might as well have shown us her middle finger. That’s when we told her to take the afternoon off because, obviously she’d been under a lot of pressure. All that text-to-speech stuff is really wearisome.

Comments (5)

  • Was it an old map? You can update those for $50… 🙂

    At least I think you can, with Garmin.

    The worst for me is the way they pronounce the words. Esp French ones.

    Boulevard = “Bool-vaaaaaarhd”


  • I don’t have a GPS, but I’ve been in cars with them before, and I find it ever so funny how frustrated they sound when you decide to ignore the directions!!

  • Funny…Must have been an outdated map.
    I never had any real problem with my trusty ol’ navigator (Igo8). The only problem is when there are road works…but it seems to know good alternative routes.
    My GPS was so great, that in the UK…when we (me + L) went to visit an old castle near Salisbury (51.036343,-2.088999) it took us through the most beautiful English country side we have ever seen.
    Same happened when we got from France to Switzerland …. beautiful scenery…

    But I get what you are saying though. I did miss a few turns sometimes and I do hate to hear “Make A U turn” 🙂

    Anyway, as the great Gad would say. You need to have GPSs with 4 levels of difficulty:

    Level 1 : “Le GPS il te dirait : Tournez a gauche… Pas cela! Celle qui est legearment a gauche. Allez y, vous y etes! Oui vous etes dans la bonne route…Oui, ayez confiance, vous pouvez vous y engages! Arretez de stresser pour rien!”
    Turn right! Not that one…The one that’s a bit to the left. Go ahead, you got it! You are on the right road! Yes, be confident, you can take that one! Stop stressing for nothing”

    Level 2 : Il dirait, comme dans toutes les GPS “Tournez a gauche”
    It would say like in all GPSs “Turn left”

    Level 3 : “Moi…j’aurais pas fait comme ca”
    …I would have done like this

    Level 4: “Devine!”

  • yup, it must have been an old map. A very old one.
    @Vlad, that was awesome. Which show was that?

  • It was his latest gig : “Papa est en haut” 🙂


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