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Life, universe and everything

Much ado about a muffin

Try to picture this: it’s 8 am on a weekday, D has already been through a 30 minute subway ride, and now he’s waiting for bus #7 that will take him to the place where he’ll sit for 8 hours speaking computer language and unraveling the mysteries of cross-site scripting, aka, his workplace.


He arrives at the bus station only to realize that he’s missed the 8:00 bus. This is indeed a bummer, make no mistake, because the next bus comes in 15 minutes, which means waiting for 1/4h on an empty stomach. Did I mention that? No? Well, D is skipping breakfast most of the times, because you know all that “breakfast is the most important meal of the day”? He thinks it’s bollocks, part of a global conspiracy to take over our minds and he will not be fooled into taking part in any of it. ‘Nuff said!


5 minutes go by and his stomach begins making these noises like the dormant beast from the chasms of doom is being woken to life. Bet he was wishing he hadn’t said no to breakfast yet again that morning… Partly afraid the beast will scare away all the other people waiting in the bus station and partly lured by the delightful aroma of the pastries at the Coffee Depot 30 feet away, he decides to go buy a muffin. He hasn’t actually told me what muffin he was planning to get but I bet it was chocolate chip, heated a bit in the microwave – just enough to melt the bits of chocolate, steamy and soft goodness.


He goes to Coffee Depot, hypnotized almost by the thought of taking a bite of that little piece of heaven, he can almost taste the muffin, but when it’s his turn to order… [suspense]… he sees a bus going round the corner and approaching the bus stop. Damn! How come the bus is so early?

Quickly he leaves the line, runs outside, runs towards the bus stop, and then… [suspense]… it’s the wrong bus! Arrrgh!


So he runs back inside the bus station, hoping to still have a chance to get that muffin. With only 5 minutes left before the #7 bus was scheduled to arrive, he needs AN EFFIN’ MIRACLE. And instead, life gives him the finger. Now there are 6-7 people in line. All of them obstacles between D and the much coveted muffin. Where did they all come from? It’s like the earth just opened up and spat them there in that line. Was the Universe trying to tell him something? Was all this part of the breakfast conspiracy?


The seconds are galloping away like stallions in a race. D takes out his phone and starts timing. It takes approximately 45 seconds per customer. Come on, come on!

He’s almost there! One person left.

And then, there’s that finger again! The bus is coming. Run! @$#&!!!




Now indulge me, dear reader, and take a moment to think about the tragedy our hero had faced. Think about the amounts of energy lost while running to and fro, between bus stop and muffin place. TWICE.

In this situation it appears the Universe was trying to tell him something: “Thou shalt not covet the muffin! It brings bad karma.”

Comments (6)

  • ” He” (maybe that mystic muffins have legs) was just afraid of being eaten! 😉

  • Haha. This is so sad but a classic guy move. This is so something my husband would do. Gotta love ’em.

  • So funny! And, oh I’ve been there! At the subway station in NY. Knowing that to buy a donut and wait for change as my train is coming is pure suicide. Yep, and I’ve waited another half hour for a train just for a damn donut! So much for guy moves, but then again, I have terribly un-p.c. ideas about what should be eaten for breakfast.

  • Ahahaha! Hilarious and tragic.

    I’ve been there too with the “shit shit I can see my bus BUTTER MY BAGEL NOW GO GO GO” at the Tim Horton’s lady.

  • Haha, I have totally done that before, often with greasy junk and the night bus though. So my need was less great but the busses more sporadic. And surely the lesson learnt cannot be anything negative about muffins?! Cannot… compute…

  • Sometimes I think we do it to ourselves – the drama of not knowing whether we’re going to get what we’re coveting AT THAT SECOND. Our society is built on these little impulses, it makes life interesting.


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