Life, universe and everything

Television induced nausea

We don’t own a TV and somehow this always spawns a superiority feeling in me, an I’m-too-good-for-TV-crap-and-choose-to-spend-my-time-with-more-intellectual-activities kind of feeling. Our TV-less existence is either a reason for perpetual wonder from the part of some of our acquaintances, or seen as an explanation for our lack of knowledge on matters such as Canadian hockey players from 10 years ago. “How can you not know X?! Oh wait! You guys don’t own a TV.”

 

This however doesn’t mean that I refuse to watch TV when presented with the opportunity. It’s like Frodo and the ring, I know it’s eeevil, but I can’t help being drawn to it.  I usually end up watching television when we’re on vacation  somewhere  and there’s a TV in our hotel room. Also, a very curious thing – 99% of what I watch till 1 o’clock in the morning is crap. And not just any random crap that happened to enter in a collision course with my brain, no, it’s carefully chosen crap, the sole condition being “the dumber the better”.

 

This is how, while in NYC last winter I ended up watching the Verizon vs AT&T (was it these two? I can’t even remember) commercial over and over again till I developed an allergic reaction to it. “Arrrgh! This is the dumbest of all dumb things ever created by dumb people. I should just turn it off. But I… can’t… the force is not with me today…”.

 

This is also how, while in Boston this spring we watched some really bad MTV. I was in awe at how incredibly horrendous the channel once adored by hoards of young minds everywhere has become. One episode of “16 and pregnant” is enough to make you want to get a lobotomy. All of a sudden I actually think the scenario for the future of humanity shown in Idiocracy is not that far fetched. A certain scene from the show comes to mind as illustration to my last statement. The knocked-up girl is talking to her girl friends and says “well, yeah, I’m pregnant. But what can you do? I mean there’s no way you can prevent it…”. Bam! All of a sudden the world’s IQ drops by 100 points. These are the moments when I usually yell at the screen but still won’t turn off the source of the IQ-reducing jabber.

 

When in Boston, I also watched an episode of Cribs. The show in itself is not bad at all. I mean I understand why it appeals to us. Who doesn’t want to see where exactly in his humble humongous abode Usher keeps his thousands of identical homie T-shirts or the small house that is Mariah’s shoe closet.

After all the cribs I’ve seen there’s but one conclusion for me to draw: all those celebs have excruciating bad taste in decor! If I had to choose a favourite it would be Pamela Anderson’s beach house. If you have a few minutes to spare, watch it here. And guaranteed, next time you hear the words “French chandelier” your gag reflex will be activated.

Honestly I have yet to see an association of so many wonderful pieces in themselves give such an overwhelmingly horrible end result – shabby chic vomit everywhere. It’s like she gathered all the cottage style items on the planet, made them reproduce several times and then scattered them around the house. I don’t mean to be more of a bitch than I’ve already been so far, but I have an uncontrollable urge to make a reference to Jeff Foxworthy: “if you have an Italian chandelier AND a French chandelier IN THE SAME ROOM, you must be a redneck”. Ouch!

 

All this to say that I am so grateful for alternate means of entertainment such as going to the cinema, watching TV shows on the computer, watching music videos on YouTube, reading blogs and books, not necessarily in that order, and the occasional stalking people on Facebook. Told you I was too good for TV, didn’t I?

Comments (3)

  • Haha, I have to laugh–my ex didn’t have a tv and so whenever we traveled he’d keep me up all night watching CNN, to this day I can’t stand that channel as a result. When we got to Italy we had like 1,000 chanels and that was really crazy.

    I will have to check out Pam Anderson’s house now. I can’t help myself, you are enabling me!

    xo Mary Jo

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  • Dude, “Cribs” is a great show. LOL. I can’t help but watch it too, whenever it happens to be on and I have a few minutes. Ah, living through a rich person’s eyes. LOL. Priceless.

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  • I guess when you say “tv”, you’re referring to actually watching unplanned stuff on the tube, rather than watching episodes of Lost or whatever online.

    The funny thing is, I haven’t watched tv in this manner since around 2004. Recently, I stayed at a hotel, and my roomie insisted on turning on the tele. It was so…strange. And strangely annoying. I absolutely understand what you mean when you say that it has a strange attractive quality to it.

    That said, I had to ask my roomie to turn it off after a while. I just can’t stand the commercials and loudness in the background. Even hearing the news in the background strangely puts me ill at ease.

    I think these days, I treat TV shows like movies. I set aside a time of day to watch them, and when I do, they’re sort of the sole object of my interest. I can’t seem to stand background chatter as well as I did when I was a kid.

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