I inherited the paternal portions of chromosomes carrying the genes for height, and especially those for leg length. I am the possessor of two very noodle-like pairs of limbs which makes the hyperbole “legs to her armpits”, well, not much of a hyperbole in my case. Saying that my legs are long is somewhat of an understatement, and as you’ll soon see that’s not only rainbows and butterflies and sexy catwalk figure.
Okay, before I begin bitching, it’s only fair to admit that long legs do come with some advantages. I can wear mid-calf skirts without looking like a 19th century war prisoner and baggy pants or overalls without resembling an Oompa Loompa. They are pretty sexy. The legs I mean, not the Oompa Loompas. But the advantages end here.
On the downside, long legs seem to contribute to my being gravitationally challenged – I find it very difficult to maintain my balance while wearing heels, rollerblading or ice skating, probably because my center of mass is farther away from the ground than it is in the case of shorter person. Needless to say this has ruined my life-long dream of becoming a jockey.
Flying coach is brutal! And trans-Atlantic flights usually end up with me having bruises on my knees from constantly hitting them against the seat in front. Any hair removal technique, be it waxing, shaving or using the little torture instrument called epilator takes FOREVER!
Wearing heels makes me ridiculously tall – think one head above most people on the street. Mini skirts are out of the question because even if they’re not really short they always seem outrageously so as they reveal too much leg compared to a normal person scenario. And it’s not just the skirts I’m having trouble with. 50% of the pants I try on are too short. Shopping for jeans is a nightmare which means most of the pairs I own end up being cuffed above the ankle, boyfriend-style. I hope this trend doesn’t go out of fashion. Ever. Or at least until full body space suits make the cover of Vogue.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ll go put on my three-inches too short PJs, and head to bed. Thankfully it’s long enough to accommodate me, my of alien legs included.