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Long legged

I inherited the paternal portions of chromosomes carrying the genes for height, and especially those for leg length. I am the possessor of two very noodle-like pairs of limbs which makes the hyperbole “legs to her armpits”, well, not much of a hyperbole in my case. Saying that my legs are long is somewhat of an understatement, and as you’ll soon see that’s not only rainbows and butterflies and sexy catwalk figure.


Okay, before I begin bitching, it’s only fair to admit that long legs do come with some advantages. I can wear mid-calf skirts without looking like a 19th century war prisoner and baggy pants or overalls without resembling an Oompa Loompa. They are pretty sexy. The legs I mean, not the Oompa Loompas. But the advantages end here.


On the downside, long legs seem to contribute to my being gravitationally challenged – I find it very difficult to maintain my balance while wearing heels, rollerblading or ice skating, probably because my center of mass is farther away from the ground than it is in the case of shorter person. Needless to say this has ruined my life-long dream of becoming a jockey.


Flying coach is brutal! And trans-Atlantic flights usually end up with me having bruises on my knees from constantly hitting them against the seat in front. Any hair removal technique, be it waxing, shaving or using the little torture instrument called epilator takes FOREVER!


Wearing heels makes me ridiculously tall – think one head above most people on the street. Mini skirts are out of the question because even if they’re not really short they always seem outrageously so as they reveal too much leg compared to a normal person scenario. And it’s not just the skirts I’m having trouble with. 50% of the pants I try on are too short. Shopping for jeans is a nightmare which means most of the pairs I own end up being cuffed above the ankle, boyfriend-style. I hope this trend doesn’t go out of fashion. Ever. Or at least until full body space suits make the cover of Vogue.


Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ll go put on my three-inches too short PJs, and head to bed. Thankfully it’s long enough to accommodate me, my of alien legs included.

Comments (6)

  • I have an “alien height” improved exemplary at home (1.93), poor thing never has a good night sleep because the bed isn’t ok for his back which is always in torture mode due to car seats, office desk heights, pure pressure on the spine due to height itself…. Plus he says he has the feminine gene for spine elasticity and hips which makes things less sturdy than your average male. Well, I have huuuge bones, that’ll never make me slender and a mini-skirt will never look good on my inherited hips. As for jeans, the short waist is really a fashion trend I expect to be over because my hips are made to be fully covered, otherwise jeans look like crap on me…

    Long live our genes though, they make up the rest of us which we should like ’cause we carry it around for our lives 🙂

  • Wow, your article really made me laugh! I never thought tall people had those kind of issues…I am a short person ;), only 1,60m! I always have to have someone cut the hem on my pants and this since I was 13! Pants are always too long for me, imagine not being able to buy pants that cannot have their hem worked at!

    Other people have to bend while under a shorter tree, I just pass by happily with an upright posture! Yesss…I always see backs and chests of people, I get quite scared of big people (I only pretent to because it reminds me that I am cute short girl 😉 and, shamefully admitting this, I call big people giraffes! Sorry, again, I only say it because it makes me feel good about being cute and short! 😉 I imagine I am called some cute names also 🙂 .

    On the other hand, although I am proportionate, I have small legs and that’s it :(. Long skirts are a big no no, they make me look like a balloon. Heels make me feel like a queen because I am 10cm taller and I feel empowered! I have to say that wearing heels is a strange experience because I look at the world from a whole different perspective, one never seen before. I suddenly see faces!

    You get extra points for the hair removal idea: I never thought I was lucky in this way, thanks!

    Now, enough complaining, let’s carry on with our tall/short lives!

    Alina, the girl who suggested Kate Nash to you

  • This is funny, Alex, because I’ve always been slightly insecure about my height (which is not exactly that short, the equivalent of Tom Cruise). I have just as many complaints as you, maybe even more.

    For example, finding trousers used to be a huge problem. I used to be a lot bigger, muscular-wise, which meant I had a rather small waist, big thighs, and not-so-long legs. Trousers which fitted my waist did not fit my thighs, trosuers that fit my thighs did not fit my waist, and so on. After living in England for 3 years, where all the men are tall and lanky, I’ve since slimmed down, and it’s a pleasure being able to fit into trousers, again.

    Moreover, you don’t need me to point out the obvious fact that in the world of business, and especially for a man, being taller is advantageous (for example, height correlates with earning ability), and in general, it just makes you a little more impressive.

    The bottom line is, I think both sides (too tall or too short) have something to moan about. We just have to make the best of it, I guess.

  • I’m a bit on the short side, 5’4″ which is maybe just about average. Sometimes I’d like to be a bit taller but then I think about what you have to go through. I have the opposite problem buying pants. They are all too long. Luckily, these days with petite sizes I can get a pair that doesn’t have to be taken up. It’s always greener on the other side of the street.

  • Look on the bright side… Least you’re not a stubby tubby like me. 😉

  • My wife is just like you and hates flying coach. She is miserable. She recently had to fly to China for work (17 hours) and her ankles were so swollen by the time that they landed, that she could barely walk for two days.


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